Married at First Sight Season 15 - Justin and Alexis. How this couple was wrong from the beginning.
I know I promised to do a video and believe me, there are many sarcastic digs on this season, I want to capture. But in lieu of video, here are my thoughts on each couple.
Today we are going to talk about Alexis and Justin.
While I didn’t find Justin attractive, a former football player at 6’8, he was ready to settle down with the woman of his dreams and find love. But there were so many issues from the beginning Justin seemed to have.
Let’s get into what happened during the honeymoon phase.
As much as I hate this idea, I will say this, for people to risk their lives, literally, regardless of how much background checking the show producers can do, they can come up clean in a criminal record, but their personality begs to differ, for example, being a narcissist isn’t a criminal act but what that person does thereafter, like scamming a victim for money, is a criminal act.
While neither Justin and Alexis exuded this type of behavior, (thank goodness), Justin did react to Alexis in a way that was ‘leechy’. It wasn’t charming or romantic, at least for me when within a few hours, you’re claiming love.
After my personal experience with someone claiming they have fallen in love with you over night, I don’t believe in this “love at first sight” concept.
For me, anyone who falls in love and you haven’t met that person, is a red flag.
That being said, in Justin’s case, it seemed he was craving for love, so far, he could have married a sex doll and he would instantly claim to be in love.
He also made comments to Alexis about being celibate for more than a year, per his choice. Not only did Alexis find it strange he made that choice, she wondered why he shared that with her.
My thing is this, if a person makes this decision, it can be for a variety of reasons other than a “religion” thing.
For many people who I’ve spoken to, this choice was based on where they find themselves in their lives, either one may be too busy or they aren’t interested in giving themselves to have mindless sex, and regardless of what anyone thinks, even if you have been involved with the same person for an extended period of time, you’re in a relationship. It may not be exclusive, needless to say, any involvement with one person for an extended period of time, is a relationship.
I think for Justin, he wore his heart on his sleeve but then there were other things he was afraid to talk about. Raised by his brother, most of the times, if he was struggling with something, his brother would tell him, he had to figure it out.
This isn’t good, especially if you’re young and impressionable. Being young, most may not have the faith in approaching someone and ask them for help and if you’ve been conditioned to believing not to ask anyone for help, this can definitely cause a communication problem as an adult and making life altering decisions. Shit, not even in math should anyone try and “figure it out”.
Alexis experiences with relationships seemed to be the minute it got too serious; she was running for the hills. She claimed to have turned down three proposals.
She came off super reserved, although acting as if she was fully invested in the relationship, even though Justin’s family wasn’t buying it, after expressing Justin is a very sensitive person.
Okay, well that’s well and good. Being sensitive and overly emotional, for me, are too entirely different things. One can be sensitive about certain situations or topics, but be insensitive about others, while on the other hand, being overly emotional, can fall under a variety of categories.
Let’s fast forward to the dog incident.
I think it’s important, when seeking a partner, the person has a love for animals like you do, especially if you have pets you are unwilling to part with. I would hope these “experts”, take under consideration, when they are pairing these couples together, that one person despises pets, while the other has a house full, they wouldn’t just pair them for the sake of they are in the same career path.
Alexis had a small dog, Newton, while Justin had a bigger dog, Mya. When they came together in the shared apartment, they decided, “what a great idea to integrate the dogs” on the first night.
The minute Alexis walked away, Mya took a snap at Newton, which required vet medical attention. And we all know how expensive an emergency vet can be. Those people won’t see you without taking your credit card and charging you before tending to your pet.
This incident seemed to have set the stage for the demise of the relationship.
Alexis called into question about Mya and her behavior around other dogs or was this an isolated incident. Come to find out Justin failed to mention, Mya had an aggressive side and he was “forced” to take her to a camp to see if the trainers could modify her behavior, which later Justin found out was unsuccessful and ended up turning her over to one of his close friends.
Now, me being the animal over I am, I cried when the camp had her in that cage and Justin had to walk away. At the same time, I understood Alexis’ concern with Mya being around Newton and possibly hurting her dog, more than just taking a bite at his face.
While it seemed, Alexis tried to find compassion with Justin having to let go of his dog, and understanding his lack of communicating if something is wrong, he fucked up again when Justin didn’t tell her, Newton had vomited blood and he went ahead to give him his meds on an empty stomach.
This led to another argument. Alexis had explained to Justin, him making a decision without speaking to her could have done more damage than good. This did not make their relationship improve.
If anything, Alexis began to put distance from their relationship.
She began going out every weekend to be with her friends, leaving Justin alone, to fend for himself. When he complained about her being married and failing to make a commitment to their marriage, Alexis made excuses that this was a weekend thing with her friends and she wasn’t going to stop because they were married.
I had a bit of an issue with this.
Under normal circumstances, when people first meet, it’s not unusual they spend more time together than they would with their friends. Granted, this growing couple will find a balance but it’s unrealistic to believe couples don’t have friends outside of themselves and they won’t hang out with their friends. On the contrary, it’s healthy to have time apart in the sense, go out with your friends and have a good time once in a while, but if you’re doing that every weekend, something is wrong.
Every couple coming together finds a healthy balance between spending time with their partner and spending time with friends and family. It’s not unrealistic.
Given this was a new relationship, it seemed Alexis used her friends and her weekly outings to escape her marriage. And the times she and Justin were together, she came off aloof.
When they had their weekly “therapy” conversations with the “experts”, and Justin shared his struggles in communicating, and the experiences he had being brought up by his brother, who would tell him most times, he had to figure things out for himself, Alexis would share how proud she was of him but yet it was a vibe of patronizing Justin and not feeling like the proud wife who stood by her man, who was recognizing his struggles.
There were times Alexis acted like she was in love and other times she would stare right into the camera as if her eyes were saying, when is this shit going to end so I can get back to my own life.
I felt most of the time, Alexis was just playing out the 10 weeks, going through the motions and appeasing the producers of the show. I don’t believe, even after decision day, where they decided to stay together, lest not forget that long letter she wrote proclaiming her love to Justin, they would stay together.
The arguments and the shouting matches Alexis and Justin had, which were captured on the security cams, either about Justin’s lack to communicate or Justin proclaiming how he got rid of Mya to save their marriage should have told us all, this couple wasn’t going to make it. Kind of reminded me of Mark and Lindsey, when Lindsey was constantly badgering Mark about who he needs to be for her, and never acknowledging, Mark was being the best Mark he can be for her and the sanctity of their marriage, despite the fact when he spoke, all Lindsey heard were, “run on sentences”.
One thing I have learned, if you made a compromise for your relationship, never throw that shit back in a person’s face. No relationship will survive if the arguments come down to that.
On the part of the “experts”, sometimes I think they pair couples via their similar career paths. A career doesn’t make for good match making. What makes for good match making is the chemistry two people have and what they have in common.
Even so, Alexis felt the experts gave her the opposite of what she was looking for and most times than not, it seems that’s exactly what the experts do. Like if you’re a person who likes to spend money and the other person is frugal, they think, “well this will balance out a relationship, if we pair these two together”. That’s not the way it works. Two people coming together for the sake of fixing what another person does or behaves, will never work out.
Say for example, I told my friend I was looking to date a guy who’s tall, muscular, charming with a great smile, hair I can run my fingers through, a healthy sexual drive and who makes me laugh. Then she introduces me to a guy who’s skinny, 5’6, with a large nose, an unattractive face and had zero personality who doesn’t like sex, why would my friend think this was something I would be attracted to?
Would she be doing me a favor by giving me the opposite of what I don’t want and making me believe to look past the height and the facial features and look at the personality, which is zero. What lessons would I need to learn by someone offering me someone who’s not even at the level of what I’m looking for?
I’ll be following up with videos on Youtube and using these couples as examples on my coaching channel as well.
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There’s a lot to unpack with the couples. Stay tuned for a new article, next up will be Bihn and Morgan and their very short lived marriage.
Until then. Take care of you.