The Bachelorette opened up with the introduction of Clare Crawley, who after several bouts on the Bachelor with Juan Pablo, and Bachelor Paradise, Clare has met pretty much failure when it comes to relationships.
Believe me she’s not alone when it comes to this, so it shouldn’t surprise the world when someone over 30 or even 40 are still single.
I’ll come back to that point in a minute but let’s meet the guys Clare met:
(Photo Credit: ABCTV “The Bachelorette Cast”)
In good ole fashion Bachelor/Bachelorette shows, some guys made sure to pull all the stops with their “first impression” stunts, one coming in a Rolls Royce, while others strolled in less, or in a bubble. I’ve said this before, some guys try too damn hard, isn’t it much simpler to come in and be yourself.
Well, Dale did just that and not only was Clare taken aback, she got teary eyed as he walked away while mentioning, “I think I just met my husband”. She also mentioned how she felt now after meeting him how she had to stay focused on the other guys she had yet to meet.
After all of the years I’ve spent writing commentaries on the Bachelor/Bachelorette franchise, I have always asked the same question, how can anyone focus on others when you may really like just one. But as this “lovely” show would have it, the whole premise of this “dating game” is to bring as much confusion and emotional upheaval for everyone involved.
Even down to picking the other person you don’t want so there can be a public and disparaging break up for all the world to see as we saw in the Ari and Becca season, not to mention one embarrassment after another of other break ups as we have seen in past episodes. That’s not to say these things don’t happen in real life, but I guess it’s better to be publicly embarrassed rather than have to have your heart broken in private.
So, let’s dive into Clare a bit.
She mentioned during her “one to one” conversation with Chris Harrison when she came into the Juan Pablo season, she had just gotten out of an abusive relationship a few weeks before into taping. Not enough time to get some clarity and get over just being in a relationship, period.
Since the J.P. season, she has appeared on Bachelor in Paradise, coming out with nothing but more failed relationships. Now one would think, what is wrong with her?
It’s not that anything is wrong with her, it’s just a matter of, where is she in her life having her to make poor choices when it comes to relationships, and this goes for anyone.
When Clare made the comment about being 39 and she knows exactly what she wants and what she is looking for, someone with depth, oh yes, I can totally relate. Even up to meeting Dale and feeling all tingly inside. It’s great when you think you’ve met “the one”.
Case in point, I will use me as an example.
Even though I thought I met someone who could have potentially been a life partner (of course not in a bachelorette style), I was on a site modeled after a bar type, similar to a dive bar where all the rejects come together, and after several email exchanges and extensive video chats, I was under the impression I had met someone who was intelligent and caring.
As scary as this may sound, even watching “Evil Lives Here”, on ID, I related to the women who met someone, thinking they met a partner who was loving and kind, ended up being the total opposite of everything they ever thought or imagined their life partner could be.
It was only then, the painful realization, only after a few short weeks into him being here, I knew it wasn’t going to work, but my head was filled with conflicting thoughts, like maybe it was just me or maybe I was being judgmental too fast, “but, there had been signs”.
He exerted the same type of behaviors to a psychopath, the deep rooted self-centered, victim behavior, but yet when I aired my concerns about our lack of commonality and where this relationship was going, his “caring and charming” response to my concerns only led me to believe it was just me being in my head, but somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew something wasn’t right. (Read more on behaviors of psychopaths on Psychiatric Times: https://www.psychiatrictimes.com/view/hidden-suffering-psychopath)
And it’s scary to know, I had the experience of meeting someone who was consistent of having the behaviors of a psychopath, even though (thank goodness) I wasn’t physically hurt, the fact of the matter was, even at my age (and I’m older than Clare), while I knew what it was I was looking for, I didn’t make the right choice and you will never truly know a person until you have spent considerable time with them and see a level of sincere consistency.
Okay, truth, not everyone we meet will be a psycho and for me I hope it will be the first and last time, but for anyone to believe, after arriving at a certain age, they know what they want and their choices are based on past knowledge and experience, sometimes will get a rude awakening when they found out the person they’ve met is not who they presented themselves to be.
As we see hints of Clare seemingly leaning towards Dale, we also see a glimpse of a limo pulling up, apparently introducing a new Bachelorette to finish off the season (if this is the case).
Now several things I want to point out here with this show.
It was years before we saw any cast/contestant of any other colors, this includes Latins, Asians, Blacks, etc.
When we finally did see contestants of other nationalities and colors, they wouldn’t even make it to the first getaway trip let alone for some not even making it to the top 4.
It wasn’t until Season 13, of The Bachelorette, featured the first black Bachelorette coming from the Nick Vaill season, Rachel Lindsey. Rachel ended up choosing someone who’s she’s happily married to and smart enough to keep her relationship out from the limelight and having avoided a tacky television wedding with Chris Harrision leading the pack of marrying the couple.
More and more we are now seeing people of color as part of the cast and not just one or two, and also remaining in intricate parts of the show.
While Chris Harrison chimes to the “Bachelor Nation” the most shocking season yet, what could be more shocking? That Clare decides to leave and run off with Dale, while bringing in a woman of color and robbing her spotlight to finish the show, especially when the men were there for Clare and not for anyone else?
The Bachelor franchise has done nothing but make these daytime people into television personalities instead of real people looking for love. If you ever get access to the episodes early on, you will see the difference of then compare to now.
And I’m not talking about these get away trips, I’m talking about real, vulnerable people who believed in a new way of finding love. But when Trista Rehn (now Sutter) who wasn’t chosen as the last two women standing of Season 1, and she cried in that limo, was when the “real drama” ensued, making what we see today, as some of the most “shocking” moments.
My own personal thoughts, if Dale isn’t who he is and showing Clare one side, and everyone else his “true” side, will only confirm that no matter what age you are, you just never know if you’re picking a life partner, or someone who’s self-centered and tattered inside and they just expect you to love them as is without any compromises. Again, not stating Dale is some sort of psychopath, but keep in mind, this is a television show that has made some of these people “stars” out of just being on reality television.
Also note, just because some of them are popular, it doesn’t mean they don’t deserve to be, just the mere fact there are many others who are doing and have been for years, blogging on relationships (like me) and not get recognized for their hard work.
Also I’ll get into each character being played by the guys below next week.
Who got the roses:
Dale, first impression rose (no surprise there)
Blake M. Eazy Ben Riley Zach J. Tyler S. Joe Jason Demar Chasen Jordan C. Blake Mornar Kenny Brenden Garvin Ed Bennet Zac C. Jay Brandon Ivan Yosef
Stay tuned for more Bachelorette comments.
Until then. Take care of you.