Recently, I was met with tweets on the return of Sex and The City, without Samantha.
Mixed feelings anyone? Let’s get into it.
When I initially heard about Sex and the City, I wasn’t into it at all. But that was because at the time, I had a friend, who was so obsessed with the show, she tried to mimic her life based on the characters almost on a sickening level. She would have these “girls party” where she would assign who was who, with me being compared to a cross of Miranda and Charlotte.
When Sex and The City came out, I was in the prime of my life. I had just gotten out of a six-year relationship and began a blog with my free page which came as part of my AOL package account. I began my journey of discovering my writing abilities, humoring all of my friends with my dating life blogs (which was unheard of at the time), adding my twist of sarcasm of course.
Finding out a little bit about the show through her, I was confused as to why my friend who was more like Samantha, compared herself to Carrie (LOL not that I wanted to be Carrie in the literal sense).
When I did find myself curious to what this show was about, I had already started Kink~E Magazine and back then, when you promoted anything online, you actually went out to parties and clubs, with business cards in tow. During my meet and greets, I found I was getting compared to Sex and The City. The first thing they would say, “oh it’s like a sex and the city”.
Mind you, this was before any streaming or on demand where I can watch the previous seasons, because I banned myself from watching this show. Listening to my friend discuss the characters, as if she had hung out with them the previous week, I was perplexed as to why this show featured women who seemed desperate for love and attention.
Remember, I’m making my views from what my friend was telling me, not from me watching it personally, and listening to her take, I wasn’t interested in watching something I felt put women in a place where we weren’t empowered or feel as though whatever choices we made in life weren’t mistakes.
It made me upset all the more, handing out business cards and people thinking, oh this is just another sex and the city vibe when, no, this was a magazine about women who are empowered, through their choices, sexuality, fetishes, etc.
I guess the late nineties, early 2000’s was a time where people used comparisons as a reference point, instead of just seeing people as individuals. Without even trying, I was compared to a difficult Carrie Bradshaw.
Then it hit me. Was every man watching this show categorizing each character from Sex and the City to every woman they met in real life? If you were Carrie, you were stuck in a past relationship you couldn’t let go.
If you were Miranda, every decision had to be made with reason and common sense.
If you were Charlotte, you were ready to be married and have a child within a year after marriage and during the dating in the mid 2000’s, most men lied they were ready to settle down just to get you into bed, eventually becoming what I called “the fadeaways”.
However, it seemed any man who met someone who was remotely close to a “Samanthaesq” type woman, was in their dream world of having their cake and eating it too. Someone with no insecurities, no relationship monogamist desires, zero jealous tendencies and if they were married and wanted to play the field, you were the “dream girl”.
The late 90’s going into the 2000’s was definitely a different time. Sure, there were cell phones, but it was the “non smartphone” technology where the phones were mostly used to actually call someone, as oppose to texting everything else a smart phone does today.
Magazines at the time which focused on a type of woman empowerment in the business structure, if you were considered difficult, you were regarded as a bitch. Now this was considered good in a sense that no one fucked with her, but bad in the sense if she’s a bitch in business, why would anyone want to be stuck in a relationship with such women.
None of the magazines I had subscribed to didn’t cater to my needs or beliefs, other than the “pretty” unattainable clothes which was almost always out of my budget.
For me the definition of women empowerment wasn’t in the guise of what is the most expensive shoes you had in your collection, or what lesbian experiences you had in college, but what was driving you to become a better person and what were your aspirations to succeed.
Can we thank a character like Samantha for bringing about that self-empowered woman who enjoyed having sex and yet that be that bitch in the boardroom?? That would be up to your own conclusions.
When Sex and The City was in its last season, Carrie was at a crossroads with “The Russian” played by Mikhail Baryshnikov, a complex artist, who wanted to have his cake and eat it too.
When he needed Carrie by his side, he expected her to drop everything and be there for him to console his insecurities and when he was surrounded by his French speaking friends, who coddled his needs about if his art was good enough, he shoved Carrie aside, because in that moment, it was about those who pampered him instead of looking to the one person giving him the support she thought he desired.
How many people leave everything they know for a man in another country no less. In all of the seasons, it was always about Carrie and Big. Yes, were the other characters important, of course, because they represented a little bit in all of us.
The idea of Sex and the City to me was to find those niches in yourself. It wasn’t about how you can find three other friends who complimented your lifestyle.
Two movies came out thereafter, which I thought were great, but as everyone seemed to move on in their lives, Samantha did not. Having a relationship with Smith, the hot model, turned famous actor, thanks to Samantha’s successful PR agency, just wasn’t enough for her. Samantha just wouldn’t let Smith be her, “Mr. Big”.
Now granted, I’m not any type style writer for a show, my writing style is what you see here, but as a viewer, not seeing Samantha evolve during the two movies was bothersome. Why did the writers not have her settle down? What was wrong with having a career and a gorgeous man? Was that not enough for a writer to be creative in giving this character a life she truly deserved?
I would think after so many years, like the way the rest of the cast involved created lives for themselves, Miranda settling in with Steve and their son (maybe another one on the way), Charlotte and Harry and their growing family, now fully committed in her Jewish traditions, passing that faith along to her children, Carrie and Mr. Big living a fabulous life (whatever that may be) and here’s Samantha, over 50 and stagnate, fucking any guy she would meet.
I think I can understand why Kim Cattrell wouldn’t want to come back.
Suffice it to say, I don’t have the inside, dirty down gossip on casting or the writers, etc. I am just sharing my own thoughts from an actor’s point of view making a commitment to their character. And for the record I studied acting, lest anyone think I’m making shit up.
It sucks when an actor decides not to reprise their roles, not because of whatever alleged friction Kim Cattrell has with Sarah Jessica Parker, but perhaps the Ms. Cattrell saw the end of this character, giving the realistic point of view that perhaps Samantha is just best remembered for who she was and not what we [the viewers] think she should be.
All in all, I’m actually looking forward to this reboot, however long it will last. It will be interesting to see how technology has changed not only their lives but their children’s lives.
These are characters who live in each and every one of us as human beings. Our complexities and our friendships and even how we relate to strangers is what this show was about and as time evolved so did the characters point of views. Relationships had a different meaning than what it meant 10 or even 15 years ago. We may still have the same friends from back then or we moved on, just as the character Samantha may have.
Going back to my friend, her idea of friendship meant you agreed to everything she felt or believed. She was right in all her thoughts and I found our friendship was based on making herself look good next to anyone who stood next to her as if we were the minority on the intelligence scale.
And like all friendships, which may not have been meant to last forever, this one was not. I will always treasure the times I had with her, but when it came to growing up, we grew apart.
So did Samantha, as did Kim Cattrell.
Until then. Take care of you.