Please note: My thoughts on this episode and my experiences are of my own. Trolls who feel the need to express your opinions on my life is irrelevant.
I watched the Bachelorette last night and while I was surprised Zac ended up winning Tayshia’s heart, I wasn’t surprised as to why.
Tayshia’s journey began in the middle of Clare, having the guys getting to know a new person being Clare cut her journey short. This “refresher”, if you will, gave the guys a new opportunity to start over.
It didn’t take long for Zac to come out of the woodwork to show Tayshia he was the one for her, after all being in recovery for 9 years, we’ve been around long enough to say the right things, choose the right words, to get whatever we want.
So let me not waste any time in trashing the two trolls who came at me on Twitter last night when I responded to Nick Vail’s tweet which read: “This is neither a criticism or a compliment. It’s simply an observation. Zach C possesses the skills one would require to be a cult leader #TheBachelorette”
Now I completely understood where he was coming from and my response followed: “That’s because he knows the 12 step language. Being sober for the last 29 years I know the lingo well. You can sound real good but the true actions will come out sooner or later. Zac is not a catch. He’ll figure it out after 10 yrs sober.”
Which “miss not so cute” (these are not real twitter handles so don’t look for them and don’t harass them, they are stupid enough without your help) responded (at some point) how my tweet was dumb and I would figure out in another 30 years that it was a dumb tweet.
This is the shit that gets me.
First and foremost, its dumb bitches like this who have ZERO clues of the addict mentality or behavior. While the bitch is living a privileged life, she probably doesn’t know how people have struggled with any drug or alcohol problem and get clean from it. I have seen shit in my life that would have this bitch hiding in a corner, begging for it to be over because she doesn’t want to see it anymore. So for her condescending tweet, after replying she was stupid, because let’s be honest, she is stupid, she should keep her ass on fakebook with all the mad haters. I refuse to partake in arguing with people who don’t pay my bills and I simply blocked her pathetic ass.
Another dumb bitch followed along chiming with her what gave me the right to be judgy.
Once again, another snowflake asswipe who’s probably never step foot in a 12 step meeting, let alone never seen a drug den in her life. Bitch would think New Jack City was just a movie. These are the kind of people I have zero respect for on social media and have no issues calling them the way I see them.
I say this for a reason. Follow me here.
A person who uses, will do anything….ANYTHING to get the next fix, whatever that may be, drugs, alcohol, pills, etc. They will lie to anyone to get what they want. Let’s follow the trend here, without naming celebrities, think of one you know who died of a drug overdose. Think about doctors who gave out these over the counter drugs as long as they were getting paid, it didn’t matter….right?
In the case with Tayshia and Zac, think about his position being around a bunch of guys also vying for her attention. How do you think that would make anyone feel, especially someone who’s in recovery, who may not have the permission to drink but subjected to others around them who do? Not to mention, there isn’t another recovery person around where Zac can speak honestly about his feelings. Granted he can talk to the other guys but it isn’t the same concept.
Going beyond that, when a person first gets clean there are so many emotions we all go through, the feeling less than, feeling like a failure, hurting family and friends all the while struggling with the fact we cannot use to get out of our own skin. It’s very deep and painful and only a person such as myself and anyone who’s an addict can completely understand what that is like. Do you think those feelings magically go away? And they don’t go away after 9 years where you think now you know it all.
It’s not like Zac was always in a setting with a bunch of guys fighting for one girl and having to compete for time and to prove himself he was worthy of her.
Recovery is an on-going process and we are always met with challenges. Some of those challenges may drive someone back to the bar, some will go to meetings to sort it out, the fact is, the disease of addiction doesn’t go away because you get clean. You don’t get a clue after a certain amount of time and think now you have all the answers.
By the way, if you’re an addict, alcohol is a mood/mind altering chemical. So, if you’re claiming to be clean and still drinking, you’re not clean.
In order to recover, you have to admit you have a problem and once admitting that, the journey to recovery begins. It doesn’t end at a certain point. You are always in the journey of sobriety.
When people first come into 12 step meetings (at the time), people who have been sober longer would tell a newcomer, “sit down, shut the fuck up and listen because you don’t know shit”.
I couldn’t have heard more true words when I first got clean. It took me years to figure shit out. It wasn’t until I had surpassed my 10th year anniversary, things began to be clear. The operative word here, “began”.
I have made plenty of meetings where someone would share and they would sound so profound, but then outside of that, they would be a completely different person who didn’t have time for anything else but to hear themselves or be praised for what they shared. I recall this one person I couldn’t even find myself in the same room with him, if I found out he was sharing, I would walk out of the room because I knew everything that came out of his mouth was a lie. Now does this mean everyone in a 12-step fellowship is full of shit? No. But that doesn’t mean we don’t have some pretty good people who can talk a good game.
Do I believe Zac is in love? Yes, I do.
Do I believe Zac will make a real commitment to Tayshia? Yes, for the time being he will.
But shit is gonna come up in relationships he’s going to have to deal with, where he may not have before and hopefully he won’t see a resolution by cheating on her.
Everyone watched a relationship flourish on television but most of who’s watching are dummies living in a fantasy world thinking they are making appearances and living this happy, perfect celebrity type life.
Being an addict is not a joke and staying clean should always be a top priority. But being a recovering addict and learning how to use your street sense in a sober mind, sometimes can be a little bit dangerous, especially if you’re used to getting what you want. There was a woman, during my early recovery days who told me, “there are two types of people you will find here, the ones who share a problem and find a resolution and the ones who share a problem and stay in the problem never coming to a resolution.”
I have heard many of people build their egos and make themselves sound powerful and spiritual, but were they walking the walk they just spoke about in a meeting filled with people, seeking hope in a message, or was the goal to sound good and that was it.
When I broke up with my ex in 2000, I didn’t want to date anyone who was part of any 12 step fellowship. Now my fellow peers would say, but you don’t have anything in common with a person who recreationally drinks.
If I charged every sober person who told me that, I would be the bank.
Relationships are not based on sobriety and because you are, it doesn’t mean you need to date someone of the same caliber, however, there is a level of respect both partners should have when one is sober and their partner is not an addict.
Should Tayshia learn about what it means for Zac being in a recovery process, having to make meetings, etc. Absolutely.
It is part of the dynamic of a healthy relationship.
Switching gears, why not Ben or Ivan?
Sadly, Ben dropped the ball when he had the opportunity to tell Tayshia exactly how he felt and it sucks, because Ben is the ideal partner a woman looks for in a man, at least from my perspective. He’s reserved, he’s honest when he feels in a safe place, he cares about his health and most importantly his mental health. Maybe Tayshia wasn’t ready to be in that place with someone where she may have felt, this guy tried to hurt himself and the possibility of it happening again. It may be something someone isn’t ready to handle. That doesn’t make her a bad person.
And for the record, yes, those fears are very real for those living with anyone who has a form of mental illness or depression.
And why not Ivan. A well to do guy, comes from a good family, has a great heart. I almost felt like (I said this in my last blog), Tayshia and Ivan are the good friends you have a party like Phoebe and Joey from Friends. I think if it wasn’t for Ben coming back, perhaps, she would have given Ivan the rose, just because, being she had her mind set already from that moment.
Ben was the game changer this season. I believe his return solidified what Tayshia was looking for at the end of this journey and it was to have a ring on her finger. And although she knew Ben was ready to make that commitment, the more Zac chirped in her ear, telling her exactly what she wanted to hear, it made her decision that much easier. It was safer to be with someone who was going to give her exactly what she wanted than to take a chance with Ben, fearing the unknown.
As for Brendan, if he had stuck around, I believe he would have been her choice if she wasn’t in a rush. Brendan saw a different outlook when he viewed his relationship with Tayshia. He saw past the “reality television” drama because he was looking at real life and the longevity of a relationship, instead of looking to create a television moment of a proposal.
Yes, we all have dreams, of that moment, with someone getting down on one knee and proposing marriage.
In marriage, we witness a celebration of two people coming together and exchanging vows in front of family and friends.
And in a relationship, it is the lifetime commitment that goes beyond the exchange of vows. In order to say the words, you first have to live them.
Best of luck to Zac and Tayshia.
Until then. Take care of you.